Joke-telling contest at Stormont

Published Thursday, 15 November 2012
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A pupil from Woodlands Language Unit was named the best comedian at Stormont after children and MLAs took part in a joke-telling competition.

Joke-telling contest at Stormont
Education Minister John O'Dowd tells his joke. (© UTV)

Little Conor Heavron got big laughs as he delivered his winning routine at the Voice Box Awards, which were held Parliament Building's historic Senate Chamber on Thursday.

"Do you know, I had a really strange day yesterday," he said.

"I walked into my brother's room, he had a golf club up his nose. I said: 'What are you doing with that up your nose?' and he said: 'Trying to get a bogey'.

"I went into my sister's room and you wouldn't believe who was there - Lady GaGa. I tried to wake her by poking her face.

"Next I went downstairs and there was all these biscuits flying about. Mum said they were little plane ones!

"That's a cracker, it's the way I tell them!"

Even when I got to school, the teacher told me to stand at the end of the line - I tried, but there was someone already there ...

Conor Heavron

Pupils of all ages from schools across Northern Ireland had been invited to submit their jokes for the event, with 20 of the best taking part in the final.

Some budding comedians from local politics also got in on the act.

"Is this thing on?" said Education Minister John O'Dowd, before addressing host Eamonn Mallie: "I noticed you left out journalists amongst the jokers pack!"

Sandra Overend of the UUP came up with: "I said to Sarah, 'I would like to try on that dress in the shop window'. She said 'don't do it in the shop window, do it in the fitting rooms like everybody else!'"

And the DUP's Gordon Dunne said: "Why can two elephants not swim together? Because they've only got one pair of trunks."

The event was organised by the Royal College of Speech and Language Therapists and was hosted by Assembly Speaker William Hay.

It is now in its second year and is aimed at highlighting the importance of communication skills to young people and elected representatives.

Pupils' Punchlines

  • Sarah McCandless, Banbridge Academy: What do you call a man with rabbits in his pants? Warren!
  • Arwen Crawford, Acorn Integrated Primary: What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese!
  • Savannah Craig, Downshire Secondary: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
  • Sean Stewart, Thornfield House: Why did the jellybean go to school? Because he wanted to be a smartie!
  • Ethan Edmund, Killard House School: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? Get dressed up, the doctor's taking us out!
  • Rebecca Irwin, Killard House School: Why did the sand scream? Because the sea weed!
  • Faith Hargan, St Colums Primary: Why do cows wear a bell? Because their horns don't work!
  • Eden Haycock, Strandtown Primary: What did the spider do on the computer? Made a website!
  • Terry McCann, Our Lady and St Patrick's College: What did one eye say to the other eye? Between you and me, something smells!
  • Teri Joy Best, Beechlawn School: Why did the lion not swallow the clown? Because he tasted funny!
  • Ethan Faulkner, Brookfield Primary: Knock knock. Who's there? Aardvark. Aardvark who? Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!
  • Dylan Watson, Beechlawn School: English teacher - "Give me a sentence with the word politics in it." Student - "My parrot swallowed my alarm clock and now Polly ticks."
  • Maxwell Phoenix, Ballymoney Model Primary: What do you get if you cross a rabbit with scallions? Bunions!
  • Alana McCreesh, Our Lady's Primary: Johnny the farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in all different directions, but Johnny - being very determined - walked all over the neighbourhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home expecting the worst.
    "Father the chickens got loose," Johnny confessed sadly. "But I managed to find all twelve of them." "Well, you did real good, Johnny," the farmer beamed. "Because you left with only seven!"
  • Josh Canavan, Crawfordsburn Primary: Two old men are flying in an aeroplane and one says to the other - "If we turn upside down, will we fall out?" The other says: "No, we won't, we've been friends for years."
  • Victoria Murray, Killard House: Knock knock. Who's there? Thermos. Thermos who? Thermos be a better knock knock joke than this!
  • Guy Crichton, Downpatrick Primary: What big cat do you not want to play cards with? A cheetah!
  • Sarah Wilson, Victoria College: I was in the park the other day and I was just thinking - "How come frisbees get bigger the closer they get to you?" Then it hit me!
  • Sarah Devine, St Joseph's Primary: Why is a classroom like an old car? Because it's full of nuts and has a crank up front!
© UTV News
Comments Comments
michelle in belfast wrote (801 days ago):
Yes Let's Smile you are 100% right! This is about our children not everything else going on, for once can people not just have a smile put on their face and say a nice big AH! cause I know I did when I read some of the kid's jokes! Well done to them all because I am sure some of them have been caught up in today's hardships within their own families as no one has escaped it, why can't the kids just have something else to focus on for a while... We should be very proud of these kids and all who entered!!
Tom in Crossmaglen wrote (801 days ago):
Yes Linda, your comment goes to prove how bad the education system is. Linda gets a Grade U for grammar.
Jonny in Londonderry wrote (802 days ago):
The economy is in breakdown, people are losing jobs daily as companies hit the wall, prison officers are murdered and bombs are abandoned outside primary schools. Is this a sick joke?...
Lets smile in Belfast wrote (802 days ago):
It's a joke that you all have obviously lost your sense of humour and fun. Yesterday wasn't about politicians it was about children and about speech and language. I think it's great that we seen another side of politicians - great they could get alongside the kids to laugh and join in. It is only when they know the real needs of ordinary people Can they fight for those and put them in place. For the kids, parents and workers it would have meant a lot to have it at stormont and have mps present. How great an achievement to hear kids saying their jokes when perhaps previously their speech was poor or they couldn't celebrate instead of always looking at the negative side and posting comments that would make a wasps sting look attractive.
Ryan in Belfast wrote (802 days ago):
lol seeing martin and peter cracking a few jokes wouldve been good to see but im sure their having such a great time together holidayin- oh, i mean working in China.
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