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Indeed, Maisie can't get over her feelings of unrequited love, for as regular viewers will know, her legs were just about to get flung to the moon when the furore broke about the disappearance of Mark, and his wig!

It was just minutes after that, when Maisie was told the truth about the fella she was on the verge of playing horses with!

As her lower undergarments keep bursting into flames every time she lays eyes on Ryan, Maisie has been getting stuck into booze to blot things out.

This week Diane despairs when she sees her barmaid downing neat vodkas first thing in the morning and throwing herself at customers.

The first time she gets really blotto in the Woolpack this week, Nathan drags her out and warns Ryan to stay well away from the family when he spots him coming out of home farm.

And, of course, in the meantime, Ryan is bricking it at the thought of Katie finding out what was going on between himself and Maisie, so he distracts her with a snog.

Then a worried Natasha (of course, with all the botox we won't actually be able to see that she IS worried) asks Diane to give Maisie some time off. However, when Maisie gets to find out that her mother has talked to the landlady, she gets absolutely plastered again!

This time Diane chucks her out, so Maisie immediately heads off into town, meets a total stranger and flings her legs straight to the moon for a darn good session of playing horses (As you do!).

The fella is not the nicest of partners so the next morning Maisie is back in the Woolpack, still slurring her words.

Bob and Marlon decide to stop serving her, not realising that she's serving herself with good old 'mother's ruin (Gin!).

When they realise what is going on, Bob decides to send her home and it is at this point Maisie turns on Marlon and gives him a severe dig in the bake!

She then stumbles into the 'Ladies Powder Room' and when she gets an eyeful of her horrendous reflection in the mirror (Remember! Legs to the moon; Playing horses all night; A few good glasses of neat gin and not a comb nor a toothbrush has been put near her! It's NOT a good look!).

Maisie then smashes her head against the mirror!

Mercifully, Natasha arrives on the scene and realises that her daughter needs help and immediately takes her to a retreat.

Can Maisie ever learn to love Ryan, just as a brother?

Will her undergarments ever stop exploding in flames every time she sees him?

Now it's all very sad, but Sam Dingle, as we know, is full of longing for Olena but he is not getting the message when she does not reciprocate.

This week, he goes round with a picture that Samson drew for her but she says she's busy with work as an excuse to avoid him.

When will she confess all and tell him the real reason for her behavior?
You do nothing for me love!

Until now Carl's treated his kids as an irritation he'd rather do without.

However, Carl is full of remorse after a week that sees him lose his rag big time when Anya accidentally spills nail varnish on Scarlett's handbag.

He hits the roof when he sees what Anya has done, scaring the living daylights out of her.

Anya tries to reason with Carl but he is in such bad form he decides to palm the pair of them off, on their mum Colleen's sister!

The youngsters are very disappointed when Carl reveals that they are leaving to stay with their auntie. He drops them off at the bus stop, where they decide to mitch off school, and lark about near the factory.

Returning home, Anya complains of a sore leg and a rash, while Thomas has spots!

Carl rushes them to the hospital where they're sent to an isolation ward.

The doctors fear they've contracted meningitis, but later find out the children were poisoned!

Carl blames the Dingles at first, then turns his attentions to the factory where John's dead sheep and the Dingle's sick dog had access to a nearby stream.

So have the Sharma's been dumping toxic waste?

Meanwhile over in Weatherfield, E.T. in the Anthea Turner wig returns to the Lake District for a 'romantic' break with debt-ridden Joe.

Only for him to reveal why he's really there, Joe wants to fake his own death and disappear!

Naturally, this revelation is the cue for Gail to pull out her complete repertoire of angst ridden faces.

Joe plans to make it look as if he has drowned and he wants E.T. in the Anthea Turner wig to report him missing.

Meanwhile, you see, Joe will have rowed to safety, headed for a port and left the country! And, when no body is ever found, Joe will eventually be pronounced dead, and E.T. in the Anthea Turner wig can claim the insurance money on the policy he got her, albeit unwillingly, to sign!

With the face all screwed up, and the slabbers, and snatters all hanging from it, Gail desperately tries to stop him but can only look on as he chugs off into the distance.

Disaster strikes when the boom, at the bottom of the sail, swings round and knocks Joe into the freezing cold water where he quickly drowns! (Am I bovvered? Look at my face! Is it bovvered??)

This, by the way, is her second drowned husband in seven years.

Unaware of his demise, the next morning E.T. in the Anthea Turner wig calls David and asks him to meet her. She then tells him about his stepfather's disappearance.

To be truthful, David doesn't give a fiddler's but for his mother's sake he helps her search for her doo-lally, prescription drug addicted, debt-ridden husband.

They hire a boat and eventually come across 'Gail Force'! However, not wanting to arouse suspicion, Gail insists they pull it back.

When they get back to Weatherfield, Gail is still hopeful that Joe will come home and, to gather a bit of time, she tells everyone that he has found some work in Cumbria.

This, of course, is a lie!

A lie that's going to land her in a whole heap of trouble!

Trouble which will trigger slabbers and snatter, the like and copious amounts of which, have hitherto been unheard of in the history of the human condition!

Meanwhile, have the stomach pump on standby as Jason Grimshaw cooks a romantic dinner for Tina this week. And, with Valentine's Day approaching, he makes the ultimate grand gesture and asks her to marry him.

Naturally, Tina is thrilled to bits and looks forward to telling her Dad the news and asking him to give her away.

Don't be holding your breath love!

Now, it goes without saying that we are all missing the beautifully barbed tongue of ould Blanche, and boy would she have plenty to say, had she been at last week's launch party for Peter Barlow's new pub, at which he gloriously, and very publicly, fell off the wagon.

At the start of this week, it's the morning after the night before when Peter wakes up with the Mother of all hangovers.

His headache is not helped by Leanne eating the face off him from the moment he opens his eyes.

Of course, he is full of remorse, but before the day is out, he's as tight as a newt once again.

He arranges to meet Leanne at lunchtime, but slips away for a wee snifter. So Leanne is stood up while an absolutely plastered Peter DEMANDS that George hands wee Simon over.

Seeing that Peter is as full as a bingo bus, George, understandably, refuses and the regulars at the Rovers get some unexpected entertainment as Peter goes into spectacular meltdown.

Things go from bad to worse as he hurls abuse at George and, although Leanne tries to make Peter see sense, she soon comes to understand that she is up to her neck in a battle she can't fight on her own.

So, would you believe, she turns to Ken Barlow for help! Peter is then tricked into having a meeting with Simon's two Granddads.

Realising that he's been set up, Peter tries to walk out on the meeting but the granddads block his way.

He is REALLY unhappy when Ken mentions getting professional help and totally flips, knocking his dad to the floor, and escaping!

Peter storms round to George and Eve's house where he demands the immediate return of his son.
Leanne, George and Ken arrive on the scene just as Peter grabs wee Simon.

However Peter finally agrees to clean himself up for wee Simon's sake, but can he fight off the awful illness of alcoholism?!?

© UTV News