Subscribe to the blog feed Blogs

For, this week, Carl lies to Chas.

He tells her that he has a long haul driving job, but, in actual fact he's really meeting Eve, with the armed Polaris missiles down the front of her top, for an afternoon of flinging legs to the moon and ramming toenails into the headboard in a hotel.

Meanwhile, Maisie is torturing herself thinking about Ryan, who's being held in the slammer.

Although Natasha and the "marlie mouthed" wee gett Nathan are doing all that they can to try to convince her that Ryan is guilty!

We can all see that this is really taking it's toll on Maisie, and from past experience we all know that she is easily freaked out, and starts bawlin' slabberin' and bokin' at the drop of a hat.

So boxes of tissues and sick bags are, hopefully, being discreetly placed behind curtains on adjacent windowsills.

On the heels of all this Mark's body with, hopefully, his ghastly wig still attached is released for burial.

Natasha warns Faye that, under no circumstances, is Ryan to come anywhere near the funeral but, of course he does, accompanied by two policemen!

He makes an emotional appeal for Maisie to believe him and, in front of everyone, has to be dragged away.

Up at the farm, Hannah is shocked to find Holly in the house packing up her things, and when Holly makes a quick departure both Moira and John are left really worried that she may have gone for good.

Of course it was bound to happen eventually but, perhaps sooner rather than later, Nicola is getting bored to death running The Woolpack. So, what will she do now?

Then Cain opens up and comes clean to Maisie but insists that he can't go to the police without really incriminating himself!

This makes Maisie really twitchy, so much so that Natasha and Nathan begin to panic that she is on to them.

Under big pressure, Rhona agrees to move in with Marlon which, of course, leaves him absolutely ecstatic but her less than enthusiastic.

And with the Polaris missiles all primed for immediate lift off at all times, Eve and Carl carry on their dangerous liaison!

So all headboards in the immediate vicinity of Emmerdale should brace themselves!

Meanwhile, over in Weatherfield...

As we have seen in all her interviews with the authorities, Claire has failed to mention so far that she left little Aadi with Sian and Sawwfie.

However, after Dev has spat out her past history of post-natal depression and the fact that she was once certified, Claire is really hurt and mentions that, indeed, she did leave Aadi with the girls and on her return she walked in to find Sian and Sawwfie snoggin' the faces each other!

The big Corrie story of the week is of course Roy and Hayley's wedding, for which they prepare to set off for by steam train.

However, creepy Mary wants revenge on them for snubbing her and she uncouples the last carriage! (As you do)

As we saw in last Sunday's episode, Natasha stole Fiz's baby scan photo and shows it to Nick, pretending that the baby is theirs, but Fiz catches her out!

A worried Kevin informs Sawwfie that, indeed, she can tell him anything and then when she does, he nearly gets the light taken from his eyes!

Because, as we can all tell by lookin' at Kevin, Lesbianism is not really top of his chosen subjects in life's wonderful learning curve.

With both Sawwfie and Sian absolutely terrified of their parents reaction to the news that they both like to wear more comfortable shoes, they decide to run away.

But, will Rawwzie stop them? Or will she be too busy thinking about me, me, me, as usual?

Over in the Rover's Return, Steve's motorbike goes missing and Liz immediately decides that the thief is Kylie.

But is it?

My prime suspect is, in fact, Liz McDonald herself.

Because howling about at tremendous speed on a motorbike in the lashing rain, at all hours of the night and careering through the centre of hedges and haystacks is the only explanation for the fuzzed up, ripped out wool hairstyle she is currently sporting!

A few doors down, Ken and Deirdre are still barely speaking and so he decides to contact Susan to find out what she wanted to talk about all those years ago.

Ken discovers that, in fact, Susan had a son and when he finds out the lad's date of birth he wonders if the baby could have been his!

So, claiming to be a friend of Susan's he calls the boy, Lawrence, and arranges a meeting!

I don't know about all this!

Do you?

© UTV News